Friendships

Friendship is a gift from God. Good friends are rare and one must nurture friendships very carefully.

Growing Healthy Friendships

Everyone understands that growing a healthy garden doesn’t happen without proper soil, sunlight, fertilizing and weeding. The same principles apply to friendships. In order to thrive, they require care and maintenance.

Find fertile soil. A friend should be someone you choose to have in your life because he or she enriches your experience. Rethink your friendships. Are you expending your energy in all the wrong places?

Add sunlight. Make your friend a priority in your life. Even with hectic schedules you can get together to exercise or meet for a quick cup of coffee. Keep in touch by phone and e-mail.
It takes time and energy.

John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Plant seeds. Establish a strong foundation by indicating in word and deed that you will be there for your friend, through thick and thin. Most important, make it safe for your friend to share innermost thoughts with you by always keeping confidences.

Proverbs 17:17A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Fertilize. Don’t take the individual or your friendship for granted. Friendship is something you must earn each day.

Water. Always be generous with praise and cautious with criticism. Applaud successes, and do your best to be a good listener.
Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Weed. When you have a disagreement, try to see things from your friend’s point of view. Choose your words carefully, as it is hard to take back things said in anger. If you are wrong, swallow your pride and apologize.

When we plant a tree, we take care of that plant from the smallest stage of growth. We not only nurture that plant with water, air and fertilizers, but also protect it from any damage. Friendship is one such plant. One has to take care of friends, as one takes care of the plants, one grows.Most of us take friendship for granted. We believe that friends are always there, whenever we need them.
Make a quick list of all your good friends.
How many of them have been friends for more than 5 years? If you don’t have many long term friends you need to question how you value your friends.
Now write the date, when you last communicated with them in anyway.
When did you last meet them?
When did last share meal with them?
When did you send them a gift?

This exercise will give you clues about anything that needs to be done by you to nurture friendship. Value your friendship by nurturing it on a regular basis. Meeting friends regularly, finding about what may be bothering them, sending them small gifts over intervals, sharing jokes with them, asking them for a movie together, and so many other things can help us make our friendship bond stronger.

Why You Need to Be Aware of Who You're Associating With
Friends should be there to support you and to enrich your life. If they’re bringing you down, it’s time to move on. The people you choose to surround yourself with should also be great spirits who inspire you to be the absolute best you can be.

Be aware of who you are associating with. If you're around negative people all the time very likely you will find that you start to think this way too. If you're with positive, excited to be alive people, that will rub off on you. It's an easy way to build confidence just by being aware of what kind of people you surround yourself with. Unhealthy friendships take a lot of energy and really just aren't worth it.


Proverbs 12:26A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Do you have unhealthy friendships? Not Sure? Ask yourself this question right after you have spent some time with someone:
"Do I feel better or worse than I did before?"


How many times have you spent time with someone only to feel completely drained afterwards? Or you find that they’re constantly putting you down even if it’s very subtle how they do it?

Do you have an unhealthy friendship. Ask yourself does he or she...
consistently hurt your feelings?
chip away at your self-esteem?
spoil happy times with a bad attitude?
make you feel physically or emotionally ill?
waste your time by not showing up or calling when they said they would?
consume your time and energy by sucking you into their dramas and bad habits?
demand too much of your time and or try to limit your contact with others?
offer friendship only at their convenience and express little interest in what's going on in your life?
get in the way of your personal, emotional and spiritual growth?

If your friendships are unhealthy you need to consider ending the friendship. Be honest with your friend (but compassionate) about your reasons. It could be the best thing you could do for them.

Animals in the womb

With Andrea being due it September, these photos are are of more interest than usual to me. There is one of a dolphin, a dog, and an elephant, all in the womb.

Wanganui

Andrea and I had a great time Saturday and Sunday in Wanganui. Saturday was a combined event with youth from Palmerston North, Wanganui, and New Plymouth. We started with a raft race (which was hilarious to watch) and then had a rally in the evening. There is such a great sense of unity in the West Coast region and so refreshing to see such a commitment to serving each other.

Sunday morning I had the privilege of speaking at Faith City Church led by Pastors Iliafi and Fia Esera. They have been doing such an amazing work in Wanganui for a long time now, steadily building a strong, healthy church. They are such a great example of a releasing church. Their pastors are released to help build the movement and to minister nationally and internationally, and people are released to minister such as Dennis and Caroline Isaacs being sent to pastor a church in Kaipoi. It's all about being kingdom minded.

Leading with Love

Heard from Pastor Luka Robertson last night at a New Generation Dessert night. One of the most challenging things, I thought, was the need for a fresh revelation of God's love for the people we lead. How are we treating the people God has entrusted to us? How am I loving them?

It was a great reminder of our responsibility as leaders to lead by loving and serving.

Living with Tecnology 2

Internet

For some teens hanging out with friends often means "just sitting and watching each other talk online." Sometimes they make definite plans to actually do something in person, like going to a movie. But mostly their friendships are online. Technology is so integrated into teens' lives that it's difficult to measure where their offline life begins and their online life ends. On average, teens say they spend almost three hours a day on the Internet on a typical day.For many teens, checking MySpace or Facebook is the first and last thing they do each day.

Disadvantages

Some sites are a portal into an adult world that you many not want them to have. You can be exposed to pornography, forms of sexual activity that you find abhorrent, and discussions about drug use and alcohol parties.

All too often, many teens do not set sensible limits for how much information to share. They put themselves in danger by giving out too much personal information and communicating with strangers online.

Due to the anonymity of social networking sites, you can develop a false sense of security, making them vulnerable to enticement to meet strangers in person.

Youth are more readily exposed to inappropriate content and misinformation about things in life. There can be a false validation of certain behaviour.

Some people post inappropriate content, such as pictures from a drinking party, postings about taking drugs, real or invented sexual activity, or gossip about school peers. These kinds of behaviours can have serious consequences, like expulsion from school or difficulty later in life when the sites are reviewed by prospective employers or college admission officers.
This notion of teens being in touch all the time, anytime, is striking. This constant contact can result in increased peer pressure and relational issues.

Advantages

Adolescence is a time for exploration and experimentation. Social networking sites offer a forum for teens to express themselves in creative ways, allowing them to try on different hats.

For shy teens or those who don’t have many friends, social networking sites can provide an outlet to meet other kids their own age who have similar interests.

By looking at your children’s an/or friends’ sites you can gain a sense of who they really are and how they perceive themselves.

Wise Internet use:

Limit time spent online, and put computers in a common area of the house so you can more easily monitor use.

Be clear and consistent about what is off limits — including Web sites, chat rooms, games, blogs, or certain music downloads — and how to handle information promoting drugs or sex. Discuss consequences for breaking the rules.

Become tech savvy. Teens Internet spaces are living diaries of their own an their friends, activities, and whereabouts.

Visit each others profiles and blogs - help each other out., Review your teen’s profile, pictures, video, and music uploads. Also check out the links that your teen includes on his/her page. These will give you a candid view of his/her thoughts on issues like drugs and dating as well as an inside glimpse of your teen’s friends and activities. Check out his/her “network,” as well, and what type of information is on his/her friends’ sites.

Remember that the Internet is public space and anyone, including college admissions offices, potential employers, and even predators, can see what they’re posting online. Talk to your teen about not posting personally identifiable information or regrettable pictures/videos and information.

Be wary of web information. There is a lot of misinformation on the web
Subscribe to an internet monitor such as covenant eyes.

Christchurch Dessert Night

Had a great time last night with Youth Leaders from the Worship Centre as well as the Fijian and Samoan churches. There was such a great sense of unity. I love it that we can get together from various churches and encourage each other. I spoke on how we can increase our influence. I have had a great few days meeting with Dave and Jackie Sampson in Nelson and Deon January in from Lower Hutt but I can't wait to get home to see Andrea and hang out with our little baby (even though it isn't born yet!)

Living with Technology 1

Mobile Phones

There are very few parents in New Zealand who are not already aware of how profound the impact of this technology is. From seeing students chatting on the phone as they stroll along to school, to having kids texting at the dinner table, the impact of mobile phones on many Kiwi families is readily apparent.

An increasing number of countries, particularly in Europe, now have more mobile phones than people. According to the figures from Eurostat, the European Union's in-house statistical office, Luxembourg had the highest mobile phone penetration rate at 158 mobile subscriptions per 100 people (158%), closely followed by Lithuania and Italy. In Hong Kong the penetration rate reached 139.8% of the population in July 2007. The U.S. currently has the mobile phone penetration rate of 81%. There are over five hundred million active mobile phone accounts in China, as of 2007, but the total penetration rate there still stands below 50%. The total number of mobile phone subscribers in the world was estimated at 2.14 billion in 2005. The subscriber count reached 2.7 billion by end of 2006 according to Informa and 3.3 billion by November, 2007, thus reaching an equivalent of over half the planet's population. Around 80% of the world's population enjoys mobile phone coverage as of 2006. This figure is expected to increase to 90% by the year 2010

A recent Telecom survey found that:
1 in 5 would prefer to lose a finger than permanently lose their mobile
More than 50% would not stop using their mobiles for less than a $1 million
One third would need $5 million to get rid of their mobile

Of 12 to 19 year olds in one survey:
73% have phones
16% have 2 phones
41 % have no idea how much they spend
39% have used a phone for a fight
23% have received offensive or pornographic material

Disadvantages
People text things they would never be comfortable saying
The evidence is still be collected on the link between cell phone use and brain tumours. There are major concerns about the effect of cell phones on developing brains (ie those under 18)
Cell phones affect sperm quality (guys, don’t keep them in your pocket!)
Text messaging allows encourages secretiveness, especially with teenagers.
Too often, cell phone use and driving are dangerously combined.

Advantages
Cell phones offer a convenient method to stay connected with friends and family
Text messaging is great for dropping quick, short notes, especially when there’s a lot of surrounding noise.


Healthy Use of phones
1. Keep phone in open area where anyone can have a look at it.
2. Have a break, turn it off for a while. Keep the message notification on silent.
3. Texting is not a substitute for conversation! If you want to talk with someone, call them or visit them. Don’t become socially disengaged!
4. Be careful who you give your number to.
5. If you get a message from an unknown number don’t reply.
6. Tell someone if you are getting unwanted texts